I recently read
two articles that brought forth two different dimensions of how depression
affects family life. The first article was from the perspective of the ill
parent and the second was from the child viewpoint of the affected parent. Both
of these perspectives combined can give insight into the dynamics of depression
within the family. Both of these studies were conducted by the sane research
team in Sweden as part of a larger study that focused on Major Depressions per DSM
IV criteria and the effect on family life.
The first study
focused on the ill parent and their perceptions and feelings in order to find
the meaning of major depression (MD) on family life. Researchers found those parents with MD feel a
constant struggle that is external as well as internal (Ahlstrom, Skarsater
& Danielson, 2009). The daily battle or struggle faced by those affected by
MD caused feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, hopelessness, and unsatisfied
with life. While family means a lot to
those suffering with MD the fact that they let people down as well as feeling
unneeded were deeply felt (Ahlstrom, Skaraster, & Danielson, 2009). The internal battle to feel self-worth created
a limited focused around personal flaws or issues placing family life in the
back seat. This is not to say that
family unimportant but that their intense struggle within themselves inhibits
them from seeing the outside effect on others. As moments of clarity occur, the
ill parent often becomes overwhelmed from negative consequences inflicted from depression
on loved ones. This may increase
suicidal thoughts while deepening depression perpetuating a cycle that destroys
perceived family and personal happiness. It is important to remember that
depression is not always self-inflicted. Genetics and environment influence
depression and are out of the control of those with MD. Depression as seen by suffers is an illness
that was not wanted but always there. Dissatisfaction
with life intensified as daily tasks went unaccomplished creating questions of
usefulness and personal meaning. One
surprising aspect was the feeling of losing dignity as suffers sought treatment.
The fact psychiatric services were required but not always accessible augmented the lack of dignity and
worth they desire to achieve. The idea
that asking for help is a weakness that diminishes dignity while not true may
feel true when one must swallow pride and self-worth(which is lacking already)
in order to receive treatment from strangers. Out of everything I read, the fact dignity was
what was desired really caught my attention. Isn’t that what every soul is seeking,
validation of worth in the sight of themselves and those important to them? This struggle is real but for some the battle
is perceived as impossible and difficult
win.
The second article also by Alhstrom,
Skarsater, & Danielson (2011) sought the child’s perspective on family life
with a parent who suffers from major depression. The children all have feelings of love and
care for the parent affected by major depression. Children suffered when their parent suffered. Feelings of fear that they might lose their
parent were keenly felt and always in the back of their mind. The environment created by depression
co-existed with them like a “dark shadow on everyday life” (p. 562) and is felt into adulthood as a sense of
powerlessness. Children desired to
help but were unsure of how to be useful. Children knew to look for signs of their
parent’s depression worsening and changed their expectations to match the signs
identified. Signs such as finding their parent
asleep from doing nothing, their parent withdrawing from participation in
family life, or noticing the sadness felt by their parent all changed how the
child felt. Children whose parent
suffers from MD live in fear of depression worsening or another attempt to
commit suicide.
Fear of not being there when needed caused mixed emotions in them as they grew older. Lack of social activities may increase feelings
of being miserable at home while intensifying feelings of responsibility to
their parent suffering from MD. Lack of
family interaction created doubt in children about their ability to connect as
a family as they felt excluded from the depressed parents life (Alhstrom,
Skarsater Danielson, 2011). Children
were seen to have “a sense of responsibility accompanied by sensitivity and
compassion, and as sense of loneliness accompanied by emotional imbalance and
lack of familiarity. MDD pushes children into the position of the observer, and
diminished reciprocity” (Alhstrom, Skarsater, & Danielson, 2011, p. 565). Alhstrom et al. (2011) noticed the importance
of reciprocity between the affected parent and their children. The children
desire for interchange of communication and actions untainted by depression. The lack of interaction diminishes level of
closeness felt. Children yearn to feel
close to their parent and when they do not have that bond, loneliness may deepen.
From this study, one may begin to see why children of depressed mothers are
more inclined toward depression versus those whose mothers who do not
experience depression. The lack of interaction and engagement with the desire
for validation is felt for years and can cause children to feel deep loneliness
and powerlessness as they long for their mother to recover.
From these two
studies one can begin to see how family life within the perspective of
depression. As parents seek dignity and
children long for parental reciprocity, family life suffers from inattention
and inability to change or fix issues that are deeply personal and difficult to
alter. What both seek is acceptance and
actions of love from each other. What I
find is sad is that on both sides guilt is felt from the lack of connectedness
between each other. Family life is
altered and becomes in a sense a burden and the answer. They parents and children lack the knowledge
of how to help each other because communication lines are shut down and may
even be non-existent. Depression is a personal issue with real effects on
family life.
References
Alhstrom, B. H., Skarsater, I., & Danielson,
E. (2009). The meaning of major depression in family life: the view of the ill
parent. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 19, 284-293. doi:
10.1111/j.1365-2707.2009.02851.x
Alhstrom, B. H., Skarsater, I., & Danielson,
E. (2009). Children's view of a major
depression affecting a parent in the family. Issues
in Mental Health Nursing, 32, 560-567. doi: 10.3109/01612840.2011.579689
